Life is, But a Walking Shadow.

 “Friends?” he asked. Without having a second thought, “Yeah, Just friends, Okay?’ she said. She felt so angry at herself. For letting someone to ruin her happiness. For letting her ego win by saying ‘Just friends’ when she knew it was nothing near to a friendship. She wanted to rip him apart for lying to her. Yet, all she could do was, silence her thoughts. The last thing she ever wanted to do was to pour her heart out to the guy who made her to look like an idiot. She held her tears back and stayed calm as he was talking at the other end of the phone. She had no strength to fight him or to burst out. She was emotionally drained. She wasn’t prepared for a heartbreak, not when she was not over the first one. But, she was determined to not show her weakness in any way to him. As it ended sooner than she thought, she hung up the call and drove her car to somewhere faraway. To a place where no one could find her. To a place where she can finally be herself. The vulnerable, weak and emotional her that no one knows.

As she sat at a table right at the corner of the café and watched the rain droplets hitting the roof, she felt calmer than the usual days. The sense of calmness that she had lost years ago,like whatever happened meant nothing. Slowly, while sipping her coffee, she kept watching the rain pouring its heart out. Well, at least it did. She thought of nothing but how things have changed over the years and how far her decisions had brought her to.

Liena Joy.

As unique as her name is, Liena had a unique personality. Liena was not the kind of the girl that any guy would notice. She wasn’t the kind of girl that gets the attention of men. She was neither smart nor pretty. Just average. Liena was just Liena.  She had her own circle of friends and a life that had no specific purpose. She lived her life as she wished. She was the captain of her own ship and made every decision on which direction she wanted to drift her ship to.

Even angels make mistakes at times. So did Liena, once. She fell for the wrong guy and got her feelings hurt, pretty badly. Although it took some time for her to heal, she was never over her first heart break. To compensate her broken heart, she did date a few guys. But, she always felt incomplete. She felt that no one deserves the love that she has bottled up ever since she could remember.

It was the beginning of spring when Liena met Mathew. She wasn’t planning to fall for anyone at the moment she met him. All she could remember was she has fallen in love with Mathew in a most unexpected time in an unexpected way. It was a random date that Liena would have missed. She was not planning to meet him on the day. But, an inner voice of her told Liena that this date is going to lead to a twist of fate that is going to change her life forever. But, she didn’t expect too much as she is so used to things not working out. Liena was very used to temporary relationships that would not last longer than a bottle of wine in an alcoholic’s hands. That one meet up or a so called date changed her life. Her whole world felt quiet the moment she saw Mathew. She had no idea what was on his mind. But all she could think of was about how beautiful his eyes were. She sat right opposite of him looking right into his eyes. His eyes were like a pool of ocean that she was sinking so deeply, that without realising she was drowning in it. Liena never felt so much lively ever since her first break up. Mathew was so perfect, she thought. The way he spoke about everything, in general,made Liena to like him more. Although Mathew was talking like everything was just fine, Liena could sense the nervousness and also the shyness in his body gestures. It made her smile seeing him blushing every now and then while she is looking at him straight at the eyes.

It was a perfect date.  After the date, as days passed, Liena and Mathew’s relationship grew stronger. They texted and called each other more often. Liena was happy with him. So does Mathew. Or at least that was what Liena had in her mind before finding out that Mathew had a girlfriend.

Being together for more than 9 months with him and yet having no idea about his actual girlfriend made her to feel like an idiot. The thought being fooled by the person she liked, made the rage flow through her like lava. Although the relationship with Mathew only lasted through winter, she always felt like summer.  

As she sat at the cafe and reminiscing the memories of their first date at the same exact place made her heart fell a little heavy. She was about to lose it. Yet, she remembered the promise that she made to herself to not cry for a man whom she thought unworthy of her tears.

Days passed. Liena was expecting Mathew’s name to pop up on her phone screen. Even though she was still angry at him for the lies he has told her, she missed him. She missed the feel that she had when she hears his voice over the phone or seeing his name popping out at the screen. But, all she had was disappointments. Mathew did neither call nor text Liena after the fight over phone the other day.Days became weeks, weeks became months. And there were no calls or texts from Mathew. When Liena was about to give up on Mathew, one fine day, he called. Liena could not express the butterflies she had in her tummy when she saw his name on her phone screen. Without having a second thought, she answered the call. ‘I am sorry, Liena’, was the first 4 words that Mathew told her. No hello(s), or how are you(s). An apology was what she heard over the phone. She couldn’t hold back her tears and went speechless for seconds. His voice on the other end made her to weep more. ‘Liena, please. I am sorry for what I have done. I have learnt that I am in love with you. I am sorry for lying about Felicia to you…….”. Liena couldn’t listen to his voice or him uttering his girlfriend’s name any longer. She hung up on him.

Mathew did not give up. He texted her saying all the things that he wanted to say before it was too late for him. Liena looked at the texts and left them unread. She could not bear the pain of him apologising for mistakes that can never be undone. Liena was tired of crying all day long and slept off on her bed. It was almost midnight when she got back to consciousness. It has been a long time since she had a good sleep. She looked for her phone under the pillow and was surprised to see the number of messages and missed called. Her best friend Nisha had given her 20 missed calls and also a message from Mathew, which was longer than the usual messages he usually sends. She was not ready to read the text from him yet. So, she left the message unread and returned Nisha’s call. She was surprised as well as worried on why did Nisha gave her so much of missed calls. As far as Liena knows, Nisha would never call her on a normal day unless it is very important.

For a moment Liena’s entire world stopped. She could not mentally digest what Nisha was saying over phone. She dropped her phone and sat on the floor of the bedroom. She felt numb. She was not sure of what to do next. She could hear Nisha’s voice on the phone asking her to stay strong. But all she could do was to stare blankly at the phone. 40 minutes later, Nisha was at Liena’s place. All Nisha was able to do was to hug Liena and console her. Liena said nothing. No cries, no tears. Nothing.  Nisha convinced Liena to follow her to see Mathew for one last time. Liena felt like she was already dead and she had no strength to see Mathew for the last time in such a situation. But, if she does not see him now, she would forever miss the chance of seeing him, again. Hence, she dragged her feet and mentally prepared herself to see him.

He was there, in the coffin. Sleeping peacefully like a baby. Liena looked at his motionless body and wished he would come back to her. Liena stood beside him until the last rituals were being conducted. She said nothing. She was looking at his perfect, beautiful face and memorising all the tiny details on his face so that she would not forget them after burying him. She never thought things would end this way.

Days passed. Liena was still unable to accept the fact that Mathew was gone. Liena was still not prepared to read the last text she got from Mathew on the day he passed away. But, something told her that she needs to read it. So, without arguing with her own thoughts on should she read it or not, she opened the text.

“ Liena, I know what I have done to you is something unacceptable and I know how much it would have hurt you. I am sorry for being a jerk. And I should have told you about Felicia earlier. But, I never thought I would fall for you. You have no idea how guilty I feel for hurting someone like you. But, as the saying goes you always hurt the people that you love but you can’t hurt somebody that you don’t love, I loved you so much and sorry for hurting you. Now, I have limited time to repent my wrongdoings, because IT is after me now. IT will come finding you as well as soon as I left. Do not be afraid of IT. Fight it back. Love you and goodbye forever, Liena.”

Love,
Mathew

“IT???”, Liena was confused. Reading back the text, Liena was convinced that Mathew did knew that he was about to die on that day. She also remembered seeing scratches on his neck on funeral day while she was studying his face. “... IT will come finding you as well as soon I left. Do not be afraid of IT. Fight it back. What does this mean? It is after me?”, Liena thought. She wanted to call Nisha and let her know about Mathew’s last message to her. But, then she saw the IT Mathew mentioned on his text. Standing right in front of her looking into her eyes, preying on her. And, Liena knew she had nowhere to run as IT has got her too….

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